The
family is
that brick
which forms
the foundation
of a society.
It is composed
of individuals
that have
permanent
relations
established
between them.
Most importantly,
it possesses
almost a majority
of the different
kinds of personal
relations.
Because of
this, there
must be certain
etiquettes
placed in
order to control
and regulate
these relations.
This is such
that it can
be maintained
in the best
possible manner,
and so that
it can generate
and produce
its proper
fruits. Family
relations
consist of
the relationship
between the
spouses from
one perspective,
the relationship
between the
parents and
the children
from a second
perspective,
and the relationship
between the
children themselves
from a third
perspective.
Etiquettes
of the husband
It
is not from
the deficiencies,
but rather
from good
manners, that
the husband
shares in
the responsibility
of specified
matters, such
as the mending
of garments
or what is
similar to
that.
It
is appropriate
for a man
to not restrict
himself from
serving himself.
This is since
the wife takes
care of the
household
affairs.
So
therefore,
it is from
good manners
that the husband
extend a helping
hand to his
wife in the
house, during
times of necessity,
such as when
she is sick,
pregnant,
has given
birth or similar
to that.
The
exemplary
husband is
he who cooperates
with his wife
by bearing
good relations
and showing
kind manners
(to her),
according
to the full
extent of
the meaning
contained
in these (last)
two expressions.
Truly, the
husbands who
are best at
working alongside
their wives
are the best
of mankind
in the view
of Islam.
This good
way of living
between the
spouses must
be deeply
imbedded into
the daily
marital life,
even at the
time of divorce.
Beware
of characterizing
the relationship
between the
spouses with
over-seriousness!
For indeed
characterizing
the family
life with
a militaristic
nature amounts
to one of
the causes
for failure
and bad results.
From
the kind and
noble manners
of the husband
is that he
complies and
assents to
the requests
of his wife,
so long as
they are not
forbidden
in the Religion.
And being
luxurious
in food, drink
and clothing
is at the
entrance of
matters forbidden
in the Religion.
The
husband should
specify a
time in which
he can play
around and
pass free
time with
his wife.
The
relationship
between the
spouses must
contain one
singular and
specific nature.
And it cannot
be this way
unless the
couple begins
demolishing
all the obstacles
and impediments
that stand
between them.
For example,
the husband
should not
feel timid
and restrain
himself from
drinking out
of the same
cup that his
wife drinks
out of.
There
is no human
being that
is perfect.
So there is
no doubt that
the husband
will see things
in his wife
that does
not comply
with his natural
disposition
and preferences.
If these aspects
are not in
opposition
to the fundaments
of the Religion
or to the
obedience
of the husband
and his rights,
then at that
point, he
should not
try to change
her personality
so that it
complies with
his natural
preference.
And
he must always
remember that
for each member
of the couple,
there will
be an aspect
of ones personality
that conflicts
with the others
personality.
And he should
also remember
that if there
are some characteristics
that he doesn't
find pleasing
in his wife,
then indeed
she has other
characteristics,
which will
definitely
be pleasing
to him.
Do
not let Ramadaan
be a barrier
that impedes
you from showing
affection
to your wife,
such as by
kissing her.
But this is
so long as
you are able
to refrain
yourself,
since what
is forbidden
during the
days of Ramadaan
is only sexual
intercourse.
Do
not chase
after the
errors of
your wife
and recount
them to her,
for too much
blaming and
reprimanding
will worsen
the relationship
between the
two of you,
and it will
pose a threat
to your marital
life. So overlook
your wife's
easy ability
to make mistakes,
and make her
falling into
them seem
like something
small.
If
you are able,
do not hold
back from
providing
your wife
with good
clothing and
food, and
from being
generous in
spending money
on her. This
is of course
according
to the extent
of your ability.
Do
not give little
importance
to implementing
the punishment
required for
any acts in
opposition
to the Religion,
which your
wife has committed,
whether it
is in the
home or outside
it. This should
be the main
reason that
causes you
to become
angry, thus
no other reason
should affect
you (besides
this one).
What
has been stated
previously
does not mean
that you should
leave matters
alone until
that result
comes to happen.
Thus, whenever
you realize
that a matter
is left alone,
weigh it with
seriousness
and determination,
without being
too harsh
or rude about
it.
The
woman is the
head of the
household,
the one responsible
for it. So
do not attempt
to meddle
into affairs
that do not
fall into
your area
of duties
and responsibilities,
such as the
food and the
order of the
house.
Beware
of scolding
your wife
or blaming
her for a
mistake she
committed,
in the presence
of others,
even if they
are your own
children.
For indeed
that is an
act that goes
against correct
behavior and
it will lead
to raising
anger in the
hearts of
people.
If
you are forced
to place punishment
upon your
wife, then
let it be
by staying
away from
her at bedtime.
And do not
boycott her
except that
it is done
within the
household.
And avoid
using foul
language,
insulting
her, beating
her and describing
her with repulsive
names. For
these matters
do not befit
an exemplary
husband.
Having
jealousy and
caring about
the modesty
of your wife
is a praiseworthy
thing, which
shows your
love for her.
However it
is on the
condition
that you do
not go to
great extremes
in this jealousy.
For then at
that point,
it would turn
into something
worthy of
no praise.
When
entering the
house, do
not alarm
your family
by entering
upon them
suddenly.
Rather, enter
while they
are aware
of it, and
greet them
with Salaam.
And ask about
them and how
they are doing.
And do not
forget to
remember Allaah,
the Mighty
and Sublime,
when you enter
the house.
Beware
of spreading
any secrets
connected
with the intimate
encounters
you have with
your wife,
for that is
something
restricted
and forbidden.
Constantly
maintain the
cleaning of
your mouth
and the freshening
of your breath.
Guardianship
of your wife
doesn't mean
that you can
exploit what
Allaah has
bestowed upon
you from taking
charge of
her, such
that you harm
and oppress
her.
Showing
respect and
kindness to
your wife's
family is
showing respect
and kindness
to her. And
this applies
even after
her death,
on the condition
that it is
not accompanied
by an act
forbidden
in the Religion,
such as intermingling
of the sexes
or being in
privacy (with
them).
Too
much joking
will lead
to (your family
having) little
fear (of disobeying
you) and a
lack of respect
for you. So
do not joke
too much with
your wife.
Be
considerate
that fulfilling
the conditions
which you
promised to
your wife
during the
pre-marriage
agreement
is a matter
possessing
the highest
of importance
and priority.
So do not
neglect that
after getting
married.
When
you lecture
your wife
or reprimand
her or simply
speak to her,
choose the
kindest and
nicest of
words and
expressions
for your speech.
And do not
reprimand
her in front
of others
or in front
of your children.
It
is not proper
for you to
ask your wife
to look for
work outside
of the house
or to spend
upon you from
her wealth.
Do
not overburden
your wife
with acts
that she is
not able to
handle. Consider,
with extreme
regard, the
environment
she was raised
up in. Rural
service is
not like urban
service, and
the service
of a strong
woman and
her preparation
for it is
not like the
service of
a weak woman.
There
is nothing
in the obligation
of a woman's
service to
her husband
that negates
his assisting
her in that
regard, if
he should
find the free
time. Rather,
this is from
the good manners
of living
between the
spouses. This
discussion
will continue
in an upcoming
issue, if
Allah wills.
