Marriage
demands work.
A happy marriage
exacts the
very best
of us. Yet
above all,
maintaining
a successful
marriage is
a choice.
At
every opportunity,
the adversary
will cunningly,
quickly supply
us with negative
responses
to events
and people
around us,
especially
our spouses.
After
all, the breaking
down of a
marriage is
one of his
prime opportunities
to inflict
eternal damage
on Heavenly
Father’s children.
But we can
thwart Satan’s
efforts.
In
the moment
that the adversary
suggests to
us evil, unkind
thoughts,
we can choose
not to accept
them—not to
respond to
our spouse
in an unkind,
out-of-control
way. We can
choose instead
to respond
with love
and charity.
As
my husband
and I strive
to develop
the celestial
attributes
within ourselves
and the celestial
potential
in our marriage,
we try to
abide by seven
gospel-centered
truths that
help us choose
righteous
responses.
1.
We have a
clear goal
in mind.
We
visualize
ourselves
one day standing
together in
the eternities
as husband
and wife.
Whenever we
encounter
a challenge
with regard
to our children,
we try to
remember that
the goal of
building a
celestial
marriage and
gaining eternal
life is the
most important,
meaningful
part of life
together on
this earth.
2.
We try to
remember that
our Heavenly
Father must
be included
in our partnership.
No
matter how
much effort
we spend,
without Him
we will always
fall short.
We sustain
and nourish
our marriage
when we pray
together as
husband and
wife, ask
for His help,
and express
love for one
another to
Him.
3.
We acknowledge
the reality
that Satan
is our enemy.
We
have come
to realize
that we must
be on constant
lookout for
his sabotage.
There is no
event or no
failing he
would not
exploit to
weaken and
overcome us.
4.
When my husband
and I come
to a tough
moment, I
choose to
remember that
he is my
best friend.
I
remind myself,
“He would
not purposely
do anything
to hurt me.”
He takes the
same attitude
toward me.
This empowers
us to be in
control of
our thoughts
and responses,
and it takes
control from
our enemy.
5.
We remember
that we are
growing together
toward perfection.
Elder
Russell M.
Nelson of
the Quorum
of the Twelve
Apostles has
said, “An
ideal marriage
is a true
partnership
between two
imperfect
people, each
striving to
complement
the other,
to keep the
commandments,
and to do
the will of
the Lord”
(“Our Sacred
Duty to Honor
Women,” Ensign,
May 1999,
39). My husband
and I try
to remember
that each
of us is imperfect.
Much of the
pressure in
our relationship
is released
when we both
allow for
the other’s
shortcomings.
6.
We accept
the reality
that differences
of opinion
occur, even
in the best
marriages.
Respecting
the opinion
of one’s spouse
honors and
builds that
individual.
Elder Nelson
mentions “striving
to complement”
each other.
Complement,
spelled with
an e,
not an i,
means to complete
or make perfect,
not to be
exactly alike.
Two people
who are not
exactly alike
in thought
can still
build a harmonious,
enduring marriage.
Recently,
as my husband
and I witnessed
a temple sealing,
we were reminded
by the sealer’s
counsel that
it is more
important
to be loving
than to be
right.
7.
Honest but
charitable
communication
is essential
to a solid
marriage.
Dwelling
on negative
thoughts about
a spouse or
about wrongs
inflicted
fosters unhappiness,
damages friendship,
and can eventually
lead to divorce.
Instead, each
spouse must
feel safe
and free to
openly and
honestly express
thoughts and
feelings.
My husband
and I have
found that
the sooner
our concerns
are expressed
to one another,
the sooner
harmony can
be restored
to our marriage.
Practicing
these seven
principles
can help shield
us from the
adversary’s
attacks. There
are times
when Satan
wins a battle
in the homes
of married
couples. But
as we align
our hearts
and our actions
with eternal
truths, we
can win the
war.
